STAYING THE COURSE

OVERHEARD AT THE PROFESSOR’S

“Professor you are one of the few truly objective, impartial and sensible citizens I know. You do not retreat from compromising judgments on cooking, ladies at all hours, government policies, political parties and more recently presidents and peripatetic secretaries of defense”

“That sounds like a preamble to a suggestion that we partake of my sublime Lobster Bisque, my friend”

I laughed and added:

“Professor, I continue to be concerned about our foreign policy; besides, there are too many friends whose sons, daughters and relatives are going through a most uncomfortable period in their lives in the Armed Forces instead of attending college football rallies, dating those cute sorority girls and learning about Spatial Calculus or pre-Enron Economics. Now, about that bisque. . . ”

“Antoine will be here shortly. We can look forward to a quiet lunch and an even quieter siesta afterward!”

“Fine with me. Now, I am still recovering from Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld’s unbelievable performance at the last Senate Armed Services Committee hearing. I have had the suspicion for some time that there must be not only a nut but also bolts, pistons, carburetors and fuel gages missing in the secretary’s chassis. He still believes that we are doing a great job and that, like Condoleezza says, the present does not matter, look at the rosy future!”

“I am inclined to agree with you except that you must substitute the fuel gages for a steering mechanism!”

He took a sip of coffee and continued:

“Rumsfeld and a good crowd on the Republican side have found a profitable punch line when it comes to criticism, observations and even questions about the mess in Iraq. They just accuse and abuse those who do so by suggesting that their questions and attitudes are above all unpatriotic, whatever that means, and that they present a serious danger to our troops, our flag, our grocery stores and the little old ladies in the retirement homes in Fort Lauderdale.”

I laughed at the way he said it. Delivering a good line is innate with the professor. I added:

“I can picture Rumsfeld at the hearing upon being questioned about the obvious failure of our campaign in Iraq. I don’t know if you have noticed but he always answers questions with a question he answers himself. My psychiatrist says that it is a conditioned reflex derived from a hermetic atavistic memory linking a complex that is very complex. He would ask: ‘Do you think that an obvious failure is that obvious?’ Then he would answer: ‘Well, you are too free with the term obvious; remember that obvious has infinite connotations and as long it does not create a treacherous environment it can be neglected. Don’t you agree?’

“Sad but true, my friend. Rumsfeld should have come to that hearing with a proposal or at least an objective assessment of the present situation in Iraq. Call it what you want, civil war, death squads, insurgency, sectarian conflict, etc. The sad part is that people are getting killed every day as a result of what seem unsolvable differences between Sunis and Shiites. It would be so easy to say so instead of delivering fuzzy and unreal promises about ‘staying the course’, ‘turning the corner’ and ‘winning the War on terror’, whether or not it can be fashionable that day.”

‘Do you think our public would understand it?”

“Not as long as you have a fanatic sector claiming divine guidance, a vociferous media sanctifying the utterances of the effete nabobs of negativism in the Administration and the real string pullers that hide in corporate boardrooms, exclusive golf courses and elegant summer homes in the Hamptons and the Caribbean islands.”

I decided to change the subject or I would not be able to enjoy the first four servings of that marvelous lobster bisque. The Tour de France fiasco seemed like a good topic.:

“Do you think he used steroids?”

“Who, the lobster?”